081 | Minding Your Business and Your Money

Many of us spend a lot of time trying to manage what other people think about us. I see this come up for a lot of lawyers, and it bleeds into the way they manage their money.

But what other people think is really none of your business. You can’t control it, no matter how hard you try, and when you’re focused on what someone else might think, you’re not focused on yourself, what you want, and your goals.

In this episode, we explore why trying to manage other people’s thoughts is useless, how it impacts your money, and what to do instead.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics Discussed

• what it means when you think other people are thinking something
• what you’re really doing when you’re trying to manage the way people think about you
• how trying to manage other people’s thoughts impacts your finances
• God’s business vs. your business vs. other people’s business
• what to do when you realize your making decisions and taking action based on what other people might think

Listen to the Episode

Resources mentioned

Byron Katie – “Whose Business Are You In?”

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Email: hello@rhothomas.com

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Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. I hope you’re doing well and having an amazing day so far. So today we’re talking about managing other people’s thoughts about you. It’s something that comes up a lot for lawyers because often we want to preserve our reputation and we don’t want people to think things about us right. But that line of thinking often messes up lawyers finances, we are to cut off holidays and often say that trying to control what other people think of you is one of the biggest budget issues of all years around the holidays. So you may have been thinking things like I have to get this person a gift, or I have to spend at least this amount on the gift or this isn’t enough. I have to get more or especially for those of us who are in foster families to go to law school. I’m going to make it so I don’t want you to think I can afford it or I’ve changed or whatever you’re afraid for them think whoever them is. And so I want to talk about it today and just kind of dive into all the things like my thoughts about it. So first, let’s start with the fact that we think we know what other people are thinking. So you may think something’s like, Oh, I could never do that because they’re gonna think X or I have to spend on this because I don’t want them to think why. But when you’re thinking I can’t or I have to or some version of that because you’re trying to control what someone else thinks or you think that someone else is going to think something about you. Really, it’s just a thought that you have yourself because you can’t know what other people are thinking unless they tell you and even then you can’t know what that’s really what they’re thinking, right. What we think other people are thinking is really just a reflection of what we’re thinking. Just like the judgment that we have about us people are really a reflection of the judgments that we have about ourselves. One of my coaches once said, anytime you find yourself saying people are gonna think X, you can cross out and say I think. When you’re trying to manage other people’s thoughts when you’re trying to make someone have a particular opinion of you when you’re doing something because you don’t want them to be mad at you or you want someone to think about you. It’s really a form of manipulation, because you’re not showing up as your true self. You’re protecting this facade. You’re doing this thing, just because you’re trying to get them to think a certain way about you. And this impacts a lot of lawyers finances, especially when it comes to living a particular lifestyle. You know, where your kids go to school, the activities you do on the weekends where you live type of car you drive. When you’re trying to live your life based on what other people think of you and keeping up a certain lifestyle. Often, you’ll end up spending way more than if you live based on what you truly cared about. And often you end up feeling way more unhappy. So you’re trying to manipulate the way that this person thinks about you or those people feel about you or whatever, and you are making yourself unhappy because you’re not doing the things that you want to do. And again, what you think other people think it’s just reflection of your own thought because you don’t actually know what other people are thinking or what they expect of you. And even if you do know, right even if you don’t know their thoughts and expectations, because sometimes people will tell you, you still can only control yourself. Byron Katie talks about minding your own business and I just love this whole concept. She talked about, you know, there’s got business and your business and other people’s business. And God’s business is things like the weather and natural disasters and you know, things that no one has control over. And then your business is your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviors, and other people’s businesses, their thoughts, their emotions, their behaviors. So when you’re trying to manage what other people think or how they’ll feel, really you’re in other people’s business there’s nothing you can do about their business. There’s nothing you can do about what someone else thinks or feels or does. You can only change what you think and what you feel and what you do. And I think about this sometimes with sharing my story of being in over half a million dollars of debt and not knowing how to manage my money and all that, like some people have talked about that. Some of them have even told me like back when I was still writing my blog, people would leave comments about it. But if I think about that, if I think about what other people think, and I don’t want them to think XYZ, then I wouldn’t be able to show up here to serve you. And I know that I’m here to help wares manage their money better, but I can’t do that. If I’m worried. That’s another thing something about me and my money story. Now remember, actually, when I first started my blog, I was afraid to write it under my real name. And that kept me showing a pretty small, right I didn’t want anyone to know it was me, but then that also led to not many people really knowing what I was doing because I wasn’t talking about I’ll try and hide. And so when I put my name and my face on it and own my story and start showing up more, I was ready to be on panels and I was doing interviews and all of these things to help people. And then when I decided that what I have to say is important and sharing my story can really help people instead of talking about it even more widely and really not worrying about people who might judge me and my story that are helping way more people are having a much bigger impact. Right But it goes back to the worry about what people will think Well, I can’t do this. I should do that because you don’t want people to think X or they’re gonna think y so bring it back to you and your finances. When you’re getting into the space of spending money or buying certain things. Or even doing things that don’t have to do with money trying to meet other people think a certain way about you notice it, right notice if what you’re doing is something that you actually want to do, or if you’re just doing what you think someone else wants you to do. Question Why this person’s thoughts and expectations are more important to you than what you actually want. Think about what you truly value and what you want for your life and look at the things that you care about and the things that you don’t care about. And from there, you can decide what you want to spend on what you don’t want to spend on what you want to do what you don’t want to do all that kind of stuff. And you may run across some people who aren’t happy with the decisions that you make, or they’re not happy with the choices that you make. They think you should be saving your money in this way and all these things. But again, going back to Byron Katie, that’s their business. That’s their work. And that’s not to say that we don’t care about how other people feel, or whatever. But we literally can’t control how another person feels or what they think. Generally other people don’t think about us as much as we think they do anyway, right? They’re thinking about themselves as much as we’re thinking about ourselves. So just be mindful that you’re making decisions, financial and otherwise, from a place of thinking about what you actually want and what you value rather than what you think other people gonna think and you know, spending your money trying to make people think or feel a certain way about you. And if you want help with getting out of this cycle, you want to learn to manage your money in a way that feels good and allows you to reach your goals faster than you ever thought possible. Let’s set up a call. You can head to Rho Thomas dot com slash call alright. So that’s it for this week’s episode connect with me over on social media I am most often on Instagram and LinkedIn and my handle on Instagram is at I am rho Thomas subscribe to the show and leave a review on whatever platform you’re listening on and make sure you tell a friend. As we close out, I pray that you will notice all the things you believe other people will think about you and question why you think those things. I pray that you will learn to live your life in a way that honors what you truly want and need. And as always, I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve. Talk to you later.