076 | It’s Always a Choice

Lawyers often believe that managing their money better means they have to deprive themselves of the things they enjoy.

It’s a common reason that many people give up on their money goals—or never start in the first place.

In this episode, we talk about why we do this and explore a different approach.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics Discussed

• the way lawyers often think about managing money
• what happens when you tell yourself you can’t do things if you want to do money “right”
• the similarity between managing your money and health and fitness
• a different approach to viewing your money and money management

Listen to the Episode

Resources mentioned

Episode 7: Budgeting for Lifestyle Freedom and Financial Independence

Episode 17: How to Budget Using the Zero-Based Budgeting Method for Lawyers

Work with me

If you’re ready to learn the mindset and strategies to master your money, let’s schedule a call.

Connect with me

Social media: @iamrhothomas on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn

Email: hello@rhothomas.com

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Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back to the show. I hope you’re doing well and having an amazing day so far. So today we’re talking about deprivation, and specifically the idea that you have to deprive yourself to achieve your money goals and manage your money. Well. People often think money has to be hard or you’re not doing it right. You have to cut out all the things and if you’re not being efficient with every single dollar and only doing quote, responsible things, they are doing something wrong. And that’s not the case at all. But the personal finance space is filled with people telling you that you have to cut until it hurts and you should scrimp and save and you shouldn’t go on vacation and you shouldn’t be going out to eat unless you’re debt free with hundreds of thousands of dollars in a bank. Of course, I’m slightly exaggerating because they don’t say that hundreds of thousands of dollars part. But for lawyers who tend to be very type A, and I have to do this thing exactly right or I failed, We often internalize that and believe that if our money journey isn’t matching up exactly with what the money experts say, then we’re failing and we’re not doing it right. Then we try to willpower our way to paying off debt or saving more or whatever other goal you may have by cutting out all the things and then end up falling off track and beating ourselves up more. And that was kind of my story. Not exactly, but definitely the part about thinking I should cut all the things or we’re not doing it right. For those who don’t know my story, hey, I’m Rho. Back in 2016, my husband and I realized that we had over $670,000 in debt, almost half a million dollars of which was student loans. And we had a negative $342,000 net worth. And before then we didn’t have a budget or anything like that. And we weren’t paying attention to our money. Although we were doing the things that you’re supposed to do like paying our credit card off in full, maxing our retirement accounts, saving a little, all that stuff, we were not being intentional. A lot of the money we were making was going to eating out, which is common for a lot of lawyers that I’ve met and other people in general. I think the majority of the population probably relate to that. But we started paying off our debt, I remember having all these thoughts about how we should do more and I would obsess over our budget and look for things more, and one that really stands out. I thought we should have been able to cut our grocery bill more. And I remember having these feelings of guilt when we’d do things or spend on something that wasn’t quote the responsible thing to do. And it felt really bad and it was not helping us move the needle any faster. I was just making myself miserable in this process that was gonna take some time because you don’t get into $670,000 of debt overnight, and you don’t get out overnight. So I knew it was gonna take some time. But what I was doing with beating myself up every time we did something that wasn’t responsible and comparing our story to other people who were further along in their debt journeys. Like all that kind of stuff just was not helpful. And when you tell yourself all these things you can’t do if you want to do money right. I can’t go to restaurants. I can’t go on vacation. I can’t go shopping. I can’t buy this thing or do that thing. When you think you have to do all this stuff and deprive yourself and you can get to give up all the things in order to hit your goals, then you’re going to end up not doing it at all. Like you’re never going to even get started. Or if you do get started, you might get into a start/stop cycle where you’re able to power your way through it for a little while, but it’s not sustainable because you can only willpower so much. So you have to change your relationship with money and the way you think about money and the way you think about yourself and how you handle money. Because if you don’t, then you end up in this back-and-forth loop of cutting all the things and getting a budget and then falling off track as you’re coming at it from a place of feeling deprived and it’s hard and all of that and then beating yourself up for not doing it right. I often draw parallels between money management and health and fitness. Think about yo-yo dieting where people are ready to lose weight and they go on this diet where they have to cut out a bunch of foods that they really love. You’re not able to sustain that forever. And then you feel so miserable, not having these things that you enjoy and telling yourself that you can’t eat this and can’t eat that and then end up eating to feel better and then either give up or start the whole cycle all over again. And that approach to health and fitness doesn’t work but it’s the same approach that many of us try to take with managing our money or achieving a goal like paying off debt. So instead, think about where you want to be, what goal you’re trying to accomplish. And then from there, make your decisions about how you’re going to use your money. Maybe you’re looking at buying something and it wasn’t in your budget this time. So you decide not to buy it now but you put it in the budget for next month. Or maybe you decide to go ahead and buy it now and you make some other trade-offs. So maybe you spend less in other areas or decide to make less progress on your goal this month. And by the way, if you don’t have a budget, go get a budget. Like go listen to episode 7 and episode 17. I talk all about how to put together a budget and why budgeting is important. But either way, whether you decide to buy the thing now or wait, recognize that it’s always a choice. You’re making particular choices to get to where you want to be. So rather than “I can’t buy this thing. I can’t spend here. I can’t do that.” It’s “I’m choosing not to buy this thing because I’m choosing to do this other thing with my money. I’m choosing not to spend as much going out to eat so that I can direct that money to paying off more debt. I’m choosing not to go on as big of a vacation or go on as many vacations so that I can direct that money to building my savings.” And when you look at it as a choice that you’re making for yourself and the future that you want to have, you take the deprivation out of it. And notice that I’m not saying cut out going to restaurants altogether or cut out all vacations. We went on plenty of vacations and still went out to eat and all of that over the last five years, even as we paid off half a million dollars of debt. But we were very intentional about how we did it as opposed to what we were doing before which was just spending and not really paying attention to how much we were spending and whether our spending was taking us off track from our goals. You can do the things you want to do and still make progress on your goals, if you want to. You just have to plan for them. And if you don’t want to and decide you would rather use the money to make progress on your goals and not spend on these other things, that’s fine, too. But the point is, you’re much more likely to stick with whatever your plan is. When you look at it as a choice you’re making to make the future you want a reality as opposed to “I’m deprived. I can’t buy this. I can’t do that. Look at what they’re doing. I should be doing that too.” No one is making you have the money goals you have. No one is making you deprive yourself. No one is making you not go to restaurants or not go shopping or not going on vacation. You can do all those things if you want to. You are making choices for your life. And you have to decide whether it’s more important to you to achieve this goal faster or to spend this money on this thing, this experience, whatever. But it’s completely up to you. Deprivation is always a mindset. It’s the way that you’re looking at your situation. So you may be making certain choices to help you achieve a goal. But if you look at those choices as deprivation, it’s never going to work because it’s not sustainable. So just recognize that you always have a choice. No one is forcing you to do anything. But if you do envision a future for yourself where you feel peace about your finances, and you’ve achieved your goal whether it’s paying off debt, building your savings, or even building your money confidence, I can help you get there. So head to rhothomas.com/call, and let’s have a consultation to talk about your situation and how I can help. Alright, so that is it for this week’s episode. Come connect with me over on social media @iamrhothomas on Instagram and Rho Thomas on LinkedIn. Please take a second to subscribe to the show on whatever platform you’re listening on. Leave me a review, and also share the show with a friend or two you think would enjoy it. If you share on social media, make sure you tag me. Okay as we close out friends, I pray that you recognize that everything you do or don’t do with your money is a choice you’re making. I pray that you make intentional decisions about how to use your money to achieve your goals and do the things you enjoy. And as always, I pray that you will continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve. Talk to you later.