090 | No Shame in Seeking Support

“I should already know how to do this.”

“I should be able to do this on my own.”

These thoughts come up a lot for lawyers with respect to money and many other areas of life. We often feel shame and embarrassment for seeking support because we’re smart, so we shouldn’t need it, right?

But what if the smart thing is getting the help you need so you can actually get the thing done?

In this episode, I’m sharing a few examples of the many times in my life I’ve sought support and how my clients benefit from seeking my support with their finances.

Topics Discussed

• unhelpful thoughts lawyers often believe about themselves and seeking support
• the impact of not asking for help
• some benefits of asking for help
• personal examples of seeking support in my own life
• how my clients benefit from seeking my support with their finances

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Resources mentioned

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If you’re ready to learn the mindset and strategies to master your money, let’s schedule a call.

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Email: hello@rhothomas.com

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Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. I hope you’re doing well and having an amazing day so far. Today we are talking about seeking support and the shame a lot of lawyers feel about asking for help. I had a conversation with a lawyer recently and she said something to the effect of, I feel like I shouldn’t need to get help with my finances because it’s something that people should just know how to do and there was this undertone of shame in her words, and it really stuck with me because it’s so common for lawyers to believe that we shouldn’t need help, because we have the degree right, you’re highly educated. We should know how to do this already. Nevermind that we’ve never been taught. We should just magically know all the things or at least make other people think we know other things because we don’t wanna look stupid. And I think there’s an added layer for those of us socializes women to we don’t want to bother anyone we don’t wanna be a burden, we should just suffer in silence, figure it out on our own. We are the ones to provide for others don’t want anyone worrying about us. Why is it that we think we have to do everything by ourselves? Why can’t we get help? Something I’ve learned over the years is there is no shame in seeking support. There’s no shame in getting help. We feel all the shame and embarrassment and getting and I’m smart. So I should know how to do this or I should be able to do this on my own. But what if the smart thing is getting the help so you can actually learn how to do the thing we’re actually getting done. When we don’t ask for help, we end up wasting time and energy that could be spent on other things. I found that getting help saves me time. It moves the ball forward faster. When I’m seeking help in an area I’m unfamiliar with or am unsure how to navigate, I get access to tools and knowledge to help me accomplish my goal more easily and to do it faster. So I want to share with you today a few examples of times that I sought out support in my life that may resonate with you and give you that permission. You’ve been needing to seek out support for yourself in your own life. And then I also want to share the benefits my client gained from seeking my support with their finances. The first example is from Workplace from a time and I remember when I was a junior associate, transitioning to being a mid level associate, I really had to learn to get support and lean on other people. I didn’t have to do all by myself. And in fact, as I became more senior and have more responsibilities and more matters to handle and higher billing rate, trying to do it all by myself led to less efficiency and basically being a bottleneck in running up bills for our clients. One specific example that always stands out to me, I think I’ve actually talked about on the podcast before, but I was the associate on 77 Different trademark applications were calling it and without all the sections on all of them within a few days of each other. So an Office Action basically when the trademark office issues and official notice objecting to something usually multiple something’s in application and advisors application can’t proceed to registration until they are addressed. You got six months to respond. And responses are usually pretty long. Like it’s not the kind of thing that you just respond in a couple sentences. It’s 10 pages, sometimes more argument against a trademark offices objection and in favor of the application proceedings registration. So that’s just to give a little background. So we got office actions for all seven applications within a few days of each other. And it felt so daunting, like I remember printing them out to look at them, review them see what they were talking about. And then they sat on corner of my desk for about a month because I felt overwhelmed by how many there were and there was always something more pressing that needed to be done right always on fire that needs to be put out because remember, we have six months respond to these. So things which are deadlines to precedence, but at the same time, I want to provide good service for our client. So when it became clear that I was not gonna do anything with them anytime soon, I am with some junior associates to help. They were first years and I was at the time of third fourth year, but I enlisted their help and I split off second between them and gave them some direction on what to do. And then I sent them on their way and reviewed and revised what they came back and getting those things off my desk, getting a ball rolling on them when I handle other things was so helpful. And I remember the partner being really pleased with how quickly we’re able to turn them around because we did them well in the six month window and he commended me on my delegation skills and on teaching the junior associates how to do the Office Action responses. And that was such a clear example of how being in the mindset of maybe I needed to do everything myself. I personally do all the work into the process. They may complete an assignment take longer, but getting support from these junior associates and letting them do the first pass and reviewing their work. I was able to give them pointers. It allowed them to grow to learn how to do this thing that I already know how to do because I’ve been doing it for years. And I was able to focus my time on other things I needed to do and still make sure this work got done. And that was a great result for our client. Similarly, after having our second child keeping up with the house that were difficult, it will take us hours to clean the whole house and then it got to where we were trying to clean the tub for one week in the bottom for another week. And then we’d skip a week and eventually we were like enough is enough. Can we hire someone to help and when I tell you it’s been the best investment like this group comes in to clean our entire house and less time it will take us to do one floor and they’re doing it but we’re able to spend our time doing other things. Another example again, having my second child I felt like I was failing in all areas of my life had never felt that way before and I didn’t know how to get out of it. And so I sought support. I hired a therapist who helped me work through all those feelings and gave me different strategies and tools that I could use to feel better to get myself back to my normal baseline and keep myself on track going forward. And I also currently work with a life coach who helps me manage my thoughts about all the areas of my life and show up in the way that I want to in all the roles that I play. And just like my therapist, she teaches me tools that I can implement in my life to just show up better and feel better doing it. And she points out areas that have blind spots for me because I’m in my life and in my own brain and she shows me my limiting beliefs and when I’m talking about being in black and white when there are also Shades of Grey, which helped me to get out of my own way and keep moving forward. And the final example is in building this business, I don’t know all the things about building a business and so I’ve asked for help have many coaches who’ve helped more currently helping me with the various aspects of my business and with their support. I’m reaching my goals faster. So I went from having a hobby blog and spending a bunch of time researching and throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what would stick to now having a business or an area that I’m really passionate about and that I’m helping people. So my coaches have helped me to really understand the things that I need to do to move the ball forward. And the things that I was doing that were really just spinning my wheels and wasting time. They’re like, Hey, here’s the path do this. And because I reached out for help, I’m building my business in a sustainable way and reaching the people that want to help and shortcutting the path to my goals. So those were just a few examples of me asking for help. But let’s look at the benefit clients get from getting my help with their finances. I remember back when my husband at first decided we’re going to turn our finances around. I was always reading personal finance books and blogs and I was in the forums and I was listening to podcasts and try different strategies that people suggested and figure out how to tweak them for our situation. And all of that knowledge and research has now been distilled down into the process that my husband and I use for our money and my clients. So one of the best parts about coaching with me is you get the benefit of all that time that I put into researching and reading about all the different strategies that are available and trying things out and figuring out how to make it work. To hold because I’ve already done all that work for you. You don’t have to spend hours and hours in researching and testing and tweaking and all of that. I’ve done it for you. You get to just apply this process that has worked for my husband for the last five plus years. And it has worked for my clients as well. I’m showing you the way because I’ve walked it many times before and I can 100% help you. So we have to get out of the mindset that we have to do everything by ourselves. We shouldn’t ask for help. Because all we end up doing is hindering ourselves and holding ourselves back from achieving the goals we have. And I get I’ve been there with not wanting to feel stupid or feeling like I should know how to do things simply because I’m educated. But the truth is, in many instances, I didn’t know how to do it. And I could either keep pretending that I did stay stuck in the same place not achieving my goals or ask for help and feeling stupid or embarrassed or ashamed or whatever. But also get the knowledge and tools and whatever else I needed to achieve my goals. I truly believe that support is invaluable. We hang on people in your life, we can help you. They are professionals who can help you doesn’t make you unworthy or less than or wrong in some way. It’s perfectly fine. If you haven’t been able to achieve your goals at this point, why not get help? If what you’re doing is not working? Why not get support. Get someone in your corner to help you who can save you time can save you energy, who can give you the tools you need, who can put you on the path you want to be on. There is nothing wrong with getting help in any area of life whether it’s with money your mental health, something at work, clean your house, your kids, whatever it is seeking help from someone who knows how to do something you want to do but don’t know how to do is a smart move. And then you take what you learn from that person and you continue to apply it and you never lose that you have that skill that knowledge those tools for the rest of your life and you go further faster. So what does not seeking support cost you how much time and energy are you wasting trying to figure out your money or thinking that you should have it figured out and being yourself because you’re not there? How much longer are you gonna tell yourself you should know how to do something but continued not taking steps to move forward to do it? How much better would it be to have support from someone who’s achieved what you want to achieve? And who’s telling you the exact steps for you to take, do these things I guarantee you achieve your goals. There’s no shame in seeking support. You can let go of all that. This is a 100% judgment free zone. I’ve been in your shoes before, right I get it. So if you know that you need support with your finances, reach out to me You can head to rho Thomas that comm slash call schedule a consultation and let’s get you moving in the right direction. Alright, so that’s it for this episode. Come connect with me over on social media rho Thomas on LinkedIn and I am rho Thomas on Instagram. Please take a second to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review both of which will help more people see it and please think of a friend or two who need to hear this message and share it with them as well. As we close friend. I pray that you will let go of the shame and embarrassment that you feel about needing help. I pray that you will reach out for the support that you need in whatever area of your life. And as always, I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth and live the life of freedom of choice you deserve. Talk to you later.