063 | Leaving the Law (Why I Quit My Job)

As of September 3, 2021, I officially no longer practice law. After 7 years, I decided to leave. It’s a pretty big identity shift for me, and I feel a range of emotions, but overall, I’m excited for what’s to come.

In this episode, I unpack why I decided to leave, my thoughts and feelings about leaving, other people’s thoughts about me leaving, and why I decided to share this episode.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics Discussed

• why I decided to leave the law
• my thoughts and feelings about leaving
• other people’s thoughts about me leaving
• why I decided to share this episode

Listen to the Episode

Resources mentioned

Lifestyle Freedom Starter Guide

The Life Coach School Podcast: When You Decide to Leave

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Connect with me

Social media: @iamrhothomas on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn

Email: hello@rhothomas.com

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Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. I hope you are doing well and having a wonderful day today, if you’re listening to this in real time is September 3. And it’s the last day at my firm. I’ve been at the firm for about seven years and I never saw myself leaving. I’ve mentioned to you before that I wanted to be a lawyer since I was seven. And then I generally like what I do and I enjoy, you know many aspects of practicing trademark law and I’m good at it, but I’m going to talk to you today about my decision to leave. So I’m leaving because when I think about what I really want to do. I don’t want to practice law anymore. I feel drawn to help other people with their money, and I’m good at that, and I enjoy it more. So, I’m leaving to focus on my coaching business and my family. This move was kind of prompted by the pandemic, but I’m not leaving because of the pandemic, the pandemic gave me a lot of perspective on what’s important to me and really showed me how short life is, and that things can change in an instant. It also gave me the opportunity to slow down and really think about what I want in a way that I hadn’t before. I have to say I have struggled at times during the pandemic with balancing everything on my plate, especially with caring for my boys who are almost five and two, and I’ve had many moments, especially early on in the pandemic. When I thought about quitting. But those moments came from frustration and wanting to escape the situation and I didn’t like that. One of my coaches said, many of the things we’re experiencing in the pandemic were already there, the pandemic has just brought them to the surface because we’re no longer able to avoid the way we feel by keeping ourselves busy and running around from place to place. So for me, this subtle discontentment with parts of my job was already there. Looking back, I’ve definitely caught glimpses of it in the past. In the last 18 months, a lot of those things that I don’t like have been amplified and weren’t balanced out with parts of my job that I enjoy the most. I wasn’t enjoying my experience, and I really wanted to get out, but I didn’t like the place that desire to leave was coming from, like I said, and so, you know, I didn’t like this experience I was creating for myself. So I did a lot of work around my thoughts, and the way I viewed my job, because at one point this was my dream job, like it was literally a job, I prayed for, and I didn’t want to leave from a place of frustration and wanting to escape. I went back to why this was my dream job and I listed out all the reasons I love it. And I also listened to this episode of The Life Coach School podcast all about when you want to leave a situation, which was really helpful in sorting through and managing my thoughts. It was called when you decide to leave, and I’ve listened to it so many times since I found it. I’ll link it up in the show notes. If you’re interested in hearing it because it really is an excellent episode. But after all that I got to a better place, and didn’t leave. But what got me started on this path was when vaccines started rolling out, and two partners, asked me within, you know, maybe a week of each other, whether I plan to come back to work full time as we come out of the pandemic. For those who don’t know, my firm offers a reduced hours policy where you can do a percentage of the billable hours requirement for a percentage of your salary. So I’m currently at about 50%, which was a move prompted by the pandemic, to help me better balance. So these partners asked if I plan to combat full time, and as I thought about it, I didn’t want to. My husband and I had talked, even before the pandemic about eventually doing part time schedules to be more present for our family. But that was something that we envisioned happening years from now. But now that I’m already here, I didn’t see myself going back. And so when I said that to the first partner, the response was, so what’s your plan. And I had no idea. Because in my mind, by the time I went to a part time schedule I’d already be partner or counselor or something right. But that question made me actually stop and think about what the plan is now that the planet changed. Around the same time, I saw a post on social media that I’ve mentioned to you before that said something like, you’re not confused, you know exactly what you want to do if you knew everything would work out perfectly, what would you choose. And so when I thought about that question, I knew my answer was that I would go all in on myself and my mission to help lawyers learn to manage their money better and reach financial independence. I talked to my husband about it and he said he wasn’t surprised because he thought I would leave for a while now. He said he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was but the way I used to talk about my blog, and the way I talked about the podcast and the work I do with lawyers on their money. He just had a feeling, and him saying that actually took me back to a conversation I had with a friend. Back at the end of 2018. We were talking about work and she asked about my blog, and she said something about the way I lit up talking about it, and she was reading this book, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, which I hadn’t heard of at the time. I’ve since read it and it’s an amazing book, highly recommend. But anyway, she was telling me that in the book the author talks about these four zones that our skills fall into, so that the zone of incompetence, the zone of competence, the zone of excellence, and the zone of genius, and the author says that many people get stuck in their zone of excellence, which is things that they’re highly skilled at highly trained, you know do extremely well, because it’s comfortable to stay in this zone, both for you and other people like you want to stay in the zone of excellence, because it’s comfortable for you, but other people also want you to stay in the zone of excellence because it’s comfortable for them for you to be there too. But he says that people who truly thrive, operate in their zone of genius. So it’s what you’re called to do the things that come effortlessly to you. You feel a repeated pull to do these things. And my friend asked me, What if law is your zone of excellence, and this money stuff is your zone of genius. And at the time I wasn’t thinking about my blog as anything more than a hobby, so I kind of brushed it off but now, you know, three years later I can see her point. So when the second partner asked me about my plan. I didn’t have a timeline, but I knew I was leaving, and I told him I didn’t see myself at the firm, long term. When I did determine the timeline I gave my firm, a month’s notice to allow time for transitioning the matters I was working on, especially for some really large clients that I do work for. And if I’m honest, I needed the long notice to get used to the idea of not practicing anymore. It was also nice to have so much time to say my goodbyes. And even though I’m sure that I have not hit everybody that I would have liked but I’m grateful that I did the work of looking at my thoughts around feeling overwhelmed and wanting to escape. Earlier in the pandemic because now I’m leaving from a great place. I don’t have, you know resentment or, you know feel other feelings that don’t feel good, at least not related to my farm and we’ll talk more about that in a second. But I feel at peace with my decision. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still have lots of thoughts and feelings about it. So my main thoughts are that law is comfortable. I’ve been in this profession my entire career, almost 10 years now. I know what I’m doing. And it’s quote safe. While all of that might be true, staying where I’m comfortable doesn’t give me the opportunity to grow. I also have the thought that I shouldn’t leave because I’m a black woman doing well and big law, and I’m an example of what’s possible for others coming behind me. While I may be an example to others, that also is not a reason to stay. When I know I don’t want to. Those of us who are socialized as women in America are often conditioned to put everyone else’s needs before our own. And I’ve told you about my own work on that I think in the first episode, so I definitely don’t want to stay because of this thought. I’ve also thought, you know what if I fail, and what if it’s a mistake, but the counter is what if I succeed. We usually go to the worst case scenario, which in our minds is the one where we fail, and we’ll decide not to do something because we don’t want to fail, but what we actually do is we fail ahead of time because we don’t even give ourselves the opportunity to reach the best case scenario so I want to. I don’t want to act from those thoughts. I feel exposed sharing that I don’t want to practice law anymore and then I’m going to go coach instead. I feel sad about leaving. I feel relief to not have to build hours I manage deadlines anymore. I feel excited for what’s next, although, you know, there’s some fear and uncertainty and doubt mixed in there too, but I know it’s okay for all these feelings to be here. I’m going against the grain and doing something new, and leaving something I love. I’m leaving people I’ve worked with for the better part of a decade. I was at this firm for all the major life events, getting married, buying a house, having my two kids. And I’m leaving the future I’d envisioned for myself and my family. So it’s normal to feel fear and doubt because I’m doing something new. It’s normal to feel sad that I’m leaving a job I enjoy with people I like. There’s nothing wrong with any of my feelings being there, but they don’t have to stop me from making the moves that I believe are best for me and my family. I may feel fear and doubt and I may not know exactly what will happen, but that’s where faith comes in. I believe God is calling me to do this. And because he’s given me the vision I know he’s giving me provision. I feel blessed to be in a position to leave, and I thank God for all the steps that have led me to where I am now. As I’ve shared with people in my personal professional worlds and I’m leaving the law. I’ve gotten a range of responses and so I wanted to share a few of them with you. Oh no. You work so hard to get there. I’m proud of you for having the courage to do it. But you’re a successful black woman in big law. Big law isn’t for everyone. And with this one I don’t think the person meant this in a shady way, but as I think on the statement, I think the truer statement is that leaving the law isn’t for everyone. It entails, like a level of discomfort that most people don’t want to experience. Most people would rather stay in a situation they don’t love than to do something different, that feels uncomfortable, which is exactly what Gay Hendricks talks about when he talks about people getting trapped in their zones of excellence. Do it now, because it doesn’t get any easier later. Get out while you can. That’s every lawyers dream, and must be nice having a doctor husband. I want to take a second to address this one as well. I acknowledge that it’s definitely a privilege to have a spouse who brings in income, but it’s not the fact that my husband is a doctor. This is what we’ve been working toward for almost five years, obviously not this exact situation right but we’ve been paying off our debt, all of our student loans are paid off as of last night August 31st By the way, we’ve been saving and investing, and we’ve been building to the point that we can make decisions, not focus on the money. Plenty of people in the financial independence community don’t have Doctor spouses and make moves like this so if you have a thought, similar to this one, don’t think that this is not possible for you, just because you don’t have a spouse who’s a doctor. But anyway I wanted to share those responses that I got because they really demonstrate how different people can have completely different thoughts about the same situation also want to note that other people’s thoughts fit within the bounds of what they believe is possible, or maybe proper for their own lives. I don’t want to live by other people’s limitations and I don’t want you to either. The last thing I want to talk about is the reason I decided to do this episode. I thought about not doing it, but when I asked myself why I wouldn’t it really came down to discomfort, and specifically feeling uncomfortable with organizing and sharing my thoughts and feelings around leaving, but when I asked myself why I would do it. I like those reasons so much more. So here’s what I wrote. I know my story has already inspired so many people. This is the next chapter of my story, because of the work we’ve done in our finances, I’m able to make this move, and not cause a financial strain on our household. Aside from the money piece me leaving may give someone else permission to do the same. They will see that they don’t have to stay simply because they’re black, or woman, or the first person in their family to be a lawyer, or they’re good at it, or any other reason people used to stay when they know they want to leave is on topic, because I had some thoughts about whether it would fit with the topics of the show, but it’s on topic because, although I talk about money. I do it from the lens of having control of your time. So, hopefully, me sharing this episode has been as helpful for you as I wanted it to be. If it resonated with you and you want to explore how to get your money on track so that you have more flexibility in your life. Go ahead and reach out to me, you can head to rho Thomas comm slash coaching to schedule a complimentary call, we’ll discuss your current financial situation and your goals, and go from there. Alright so that is my episode on leaving the law. I would love to continue this conversation. So come over and connect with me on social media. I’m mostly on Instagram at I am rho Thomas, and LinkedIn. Please subscribe to the show on whatever platform you’re listening on and leave a review. And if you could think of a friend or two who would get value from this episode, and please share it with them out greatly appreciate it. Okay for an as we close out. I pray. Okay, friend, as we close out, I pray that you will truly take some time to consider what you want for your life, and what you feel called to do. I pray that you will set the intention and move toward whatever that vision is for your life. And as always, I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth and live the life of freedom and choice, you deserve. Talk to you later.