How many times have you heard or said the words, “I’m so far behind”? It comes up for many lawyers at various points in our lives, but it’s just a thought, and not a very useful one.
In this episode, we dive into where this thought comes from, why it’s problematic, and what we can do instead.
Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.
Topics Discussed
- why we think “I’m so far behind”
- why this thought is problematic
- what to do instead
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Lightly Edited Transcript
Hey friend. How are you?
I hope you’ve had an amazing week. I’m so glad that you’re here taking some time to hang out with me.
And before we jump into what we’re going to talk about today, I want to let you know that tomorrow so Saturday, March 27, we are having a virtual meetup for the Wealthyesque Facebook group.
So if you’re not in there head on over to rhothomas.com/community so that you can get all the details for how to join the meetup, but I am super excited to just hang out with you and connect with you, talk about some of these concepts that we talked about here on the podcast, and maybe even do some coaching.
If you are not in the Facebook group, again, head to rhothomas.com/community, and join us.
So today we’re talking about the thought, I’m so far behind.
And side note, have you ever seen, you know those shirts that say something like Oh I’m so far behind you think I was first. I love shirts like that like the little corny sayings and all of that. My husband always says that I laugh at stuff that’s not funny, but clearly those shirts are funny.
But anyway, if you’ve ever thought that you’re behind or you know said something similar, you’re not alone.
Maybe you’re learning about managing your money for the first time and you wish you had known then what you know now.
Or maybe you’re looking around and all your friends are getting married or having kids or buying houses, and you know you’re not there yet.
Or maybe you think another associate who’s at the same level as you is getting better assignments or is progressing faster in their career or whatever the thing is for you.
But just know you’re not alone, like I think we’ve all been there, I’ve told you about my story from my blogging days where I was around all of these other personal finance bloggers, and they had you know paid off their debt, or had reached a six figure net worth or reached financial independence, even or, in some way, were just further along in their financial journey than we were.
And I was thinking that we were behind and I wished that we had handled our money differently and all of that, but when you are thinking this thought I’m so far behind, you’re making yourself miserable and it doesn’t change anything in the process.
We’ve all thought we’re behind at some point, but it’s a problem because you are making yourself miserable.
The thought often comes from comparing ourselves to other people, but we see what people want us to see. Right, we see their highlight reel but we’re living our reality.
And we see only a fraction of other people’s lives. It’s not a direct comparison.
Also there’s no standard for where every single person should be at set points in life, and there’s no way to know that you’re behind.
How do you know? What’s the measurement for being behind? How will you know when you’ve caught up?
There will always be someone who has something or is doing something that you don’t have or that you haven’t done yet.
And if you constantly compare yourself to other people and, you know, you’re looking at what they’re doing and what they’ve accomplished and thinking that you should be doing those things or have accomplished those things like you will never be satisfied with your own life.
And that leads to my next point. We’ve talked before about how your thoughts create your results. What is the thought “I’m so far behind” creating for you?
What emotion comes up when you think you’re so far behind? How do you feel? Is it defeated or insufficient? Embarrassed? Maybe ashamed?
How do you show up when you feel that way? For a lot of us, like specifically on the money front, you avoid your money altogether, or you just kind of stick your head in the sand and ignore it, or you spin out and you’re thinking about all the things that you should be doing and feeling overwhelmed and then you still don’t do anything.
And if that’s you, I can help you get past that block, get on track with your money, and all of that stuff, so head to rhothomas.com/coaching, and let’s set up a time to chat.
But in other areas, you know, maybe you only put in half effort or you otherwise show up as less than your best.
And when you are not showing up at all or only putting in half effort, only showing up you know partway and not showing up as your best, then that leads to you not “catching up” right? Whatever catching up means to you.
What if where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be? What if nothing has gone wrong?
Everything happens for a reason. You’ve taken exactly the path you were supposed to take, and it’s all led to where you are now.
Maybe God was teaching you something, or maybe there was some experience you needed to have to be ready to step into the next level.
And it’s not like you’ve just been sitting on your hands doing nothing, right? You’ve still accomplished things, and you’ve learned so much that you didn’t know before. You’re a completely different person now than you would be if you had taken a different path.
Going back to my story, if I didn’t have the journey that I’ve had, right, if I had graduated from school with no debt, and I didn’t marry into even more debt, and I didn’t struggle at times to balance my life and my legal career, and if I had done all the exact right things and lived a perfect life, I wouldn’t be here with you.
I wouldn’t have thought to start this podcast. You wouldn’t relate to me. I wouldn’t be able to help you.
All of my experiences have led me right here doing this and so I’m grateful for all the things that have happened so far in my life.
When you look at your life, enjoy the beauty of your process. Appreciate the lessons that have led you to this point and that have made you are who you are.
Okay, so let’s recap.
1. The thought, I’m so far behind, often comes from comparing ourselves with others, but we see only a fraction of other people’s lives.
2. There’s no standard for where you should be in life. And if you constantly compare yourself to others, you’ll never be satisfied with your own life.
3. The thought, I’m so far behind, will not create the result of you quote catching up.
4. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be, and everything you’ve experienced to this point has led to where you are now. It’s all a part of your process.
Okay so that’s it for today’s episode. Join me over in the private Facebook community, The Wealthyesque Community. Let’s talk about this thought of being behind, and also don’t forget about our virtual meetup, March 27 at 2pm. You can get all of the details in the Wealthyesque Facebook group.
If you got value from today’s show, please take a second, share it with a friend who you think would also benefit from it. If you share on social media or if you just want to connect, my handle is @iamrhothomas, and I am most active on Instagram.
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Okay, friend, as we close out, I pray that you see that I’m so far behind, is just a thought that’s keeping you from achieving what you really want.
I pray that you will take some time to consider the beauty of the journey that has brought you to this point in your life.
And as always, I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve.
Talk to you later.
Hi, I’m Rho! I’m a wife, mom, and Biglaw associate who believes that true wealth is having control of your time. I help busy lawyers like you take back control of your time by teaching you how to achieve lifestyle freedom through mindset shifts and financial independence. Read a little more about me here.
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