032 | The Cost of Indecision

Lawyers often get stuck in indecision, but it costs us much more than we realize. Living life by design necessarily requires intentional decision-making.

In this episode, let’s talk about why we struggle to make decisions, why it’s problematic, and a simple trick you can use to help yourself make your next decision.

Lightly edited transcript appears after the show notes.

Topics Discussed

• why we struggle to make decisions
• why indecision is a problem
• a simple trick to help you make your next decision

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Resources mentioned

Lifestyle Freedom Starter Guide

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

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Lightly Edited Transcript

Hey friend! Welcome back to Wealthyesque.

Happy Friday! How’s it going?

I hope you had an amazing week, and that you have an even better weekend. I am super excited to jump into our conversation today, and we’re going to talk about indecision.

So jumping right in, lawyers get stuck in indecision a lot. And an example that comes up often is people going back and forth on whether to make changes at work.

So funny story, one of my friends told me recently that my name is always in the mix when people are deciding to quit their jobs. And when I think about it, she is right because so many of you have reached out to me to let me know that you took a new job, at least partially because of me and this show, and I’m here for it.

And let me be clear: I don’t have any opinion one way or the other about whether people should definitely stay at their job or definitely leave. I just want to encourage you to actually think about it and decide what you want for your life. Because as lawyers we tend not to do that. Right?

Like, we tend not to think about what we truly want. We follow the path that was laid out for us, and we don’t know what we want, which leads to a lot of the spinning and indecision that I’m talking about.

Should I reduce my hours? Should I take a new job? Should I stop working with this partner? Should I do this kind of law?

It comes up in money, too. People go back and forth on Should I open this kind of account or that kind of account? Or should I do this kind of budget? What’s the best way to pay off debt? Should I pay off debt or invest?

Not making decisions leads to a lot of uncertainty and confusion. And when you find yourself feeling confused about something, often it’s because there’s some decision that you haven’t made yet.

So in the case of making changes at work, it’s typically that you haven’t decided what you really want your life to look like. And that goes for your money too. Like when you know what you want for your life, it’s easier to make decisions about your money.

One of my favorite books is Essentialism by Greg McKeown, and in it, he talks about making one decision that eliminates 1000 decisions later. And deciding what you want for your life is one of those decisions.

Not making decisions burns a lot of energy. Every time you revisit how you should handle this thing, how you should do this decision, your brain is using energy. And when you’re not making a decision, then this thing just keeps nagging at you in the back of your mind draining energy that your brain could be using for other things.

Another thing that comes up is when people say they’re “trying to” make a decision. I’m trying to decide if I want to do X or Y. I’m trying to decide whether to pay off debt or save. I’m trying to decide whether I should look for a new job.

I want to offer that when you say you’re trying to make a decision, you’re really just resisting making a decision. Like there is no trying to make a decision. You either make a decision or you don’t.

And one story that I love that illustrates this: My coach was talking with her coach about something she was trying to decide. And her coach gave her a sheet of paper and told her to try to rip it. And my coach starts ripping it. Her coach is like, “No, you’re ripping it. I said, ‘try to rip it.’”

She did the same thing again, and her coach was like, “No, you’re ripping the paper. Try to rip it.”

And my coach was getting frustrated. She’s like, “I don’t get it. I don’t know what you want me to do.” Her coach said, “Exactly. There’s no trying. You’re either doing it or you’re not.”

It’s the same thing here. You’re making a decision or you’re not. And really when you’re not making a decision, you’re actually making a decision, right? You’re deciding to stay in the same place by default.

You might be researching or getting more info that would help you to make the decision. But still, that’s not trying to decide. You’re getting the information that you need to consider for when you actually make the decision.

There are a couple of reasons why we avoid making decisions. And one of the biggest ones is that when we make a decision, we know we have to actually take action. We try to keep ourselves safe by just not making the decision, right?

If I don’t decide, then I don’t have to do this uncomfortable thing. But really, all we’re doing is procrastinating because eventually you do have to make a decision. And then we’re keeping ourselves stuck in the same place.

So, yes, your decision might require you to do something that’s uncomfortable for you. It’s something you’ve never done before, or something you don’t know how to do, or something you’re afraid of doing. And that’s fine.

But you have to consider whether the potential result, like the result of the decision you make, whether that’s worth some potential discomfort. Don’t just stand by and let life happen to you because you’re afraid to get a little uncomfortable, right? That’s not a way to live.

Another reason that we avoid making decisions is that we worry about what the right decision is, right? Like, lawyers tend to think very much in black and white. We have to make the right decision. We don’t want to make a mistake.

And we’ve talked before about how the way that we’re trained in law kind of makes us cautious against making mistakes. We’re very risk averse.

I do this too. I don’t like making mistakes. I sometimes find myself going back and forth on what to do. And is this right? And what if it doesn’t work? And whatever else.

But what if there is no right or wrong decision? There are very few decisions that can’t be undone. So let’s say you make a decision, and you don’t like the way it turns out. We can just make a different decision, right?

But you’ll never get that feedback if you don’t make a decision in the first place. So one of my coaches always says that clarity comes in the doing. We can’t just sit and conceptualize what might happen if we make this decision and how things might turn out and go back and forth on all the things. We will never make any progress.

If you just make the decision, you can see what happens and learn from it. And then you can go from there. But if you just sit thinking about it, then you’re stuck in the same place. You don’t make any progress. And you’ll never know how things might turn out if you just made the decision.

Decisions move you forward. They don’t, you don’t stay stuck, right? You know exactly what you need to do. And then you can do it. And from that place, you can decide if you like the path you’re going down, or if you want to pivot.

We talk a lot about living life by design and making intentional decisions for your life and not just living life by default and letting life happen to you. Staying stuck in indecision is exactly how most people end up living life by default.

One simple idea to help you make decisions, something I learned is, when you’re going back and forth between two options, make two lists. So what are all the reasons why you would decide on option one? And what are all the reasons you’d decide on option two?

Then once you’ve made your lists, you can decide which one you like the reasons better, and you can go with that decision.

And then like we said, you can evaluate. And if you like how things turn out, you’ve made the decision that you want to stick with. If you don’t, then you can just change it and do the other thing and see how that turns out.

This is exactly the kind of thing that I help clients with when they’re considering decisions around their money. The way you manage your money is a major factor in living your life intentionally, so if you need help, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can head to rhothomas.com/coaching and set up a call to chat about how coaching can help.

Okay, so let’s recap.

1. Indecision leads to confusion and uncertainty and burns a lot of energy.
2. When you’re not making a decision, you’re really deciding to stay in the same place by default.
3. There’s no such thing as trying to decide. You either make a decision or you don’t.
4. We avoid making decisions because we’re afraid of taking action. You have to consider whether the potential result is worth the potential discomfort.
5. We also avoid making decisions because we’re afraid of making the wrong one. But every decision moves you forward and very few decisions can’t be undone.
6. When you’re making a decision and deciding between two options, make a list for why you would decide each one and then choose which list you like best.

Okay, so that’s it for this episode join me over in our private Facebook community, The Wealthyesque Community, and let’s talk more about indecision. You can find us at rhothomas.com/community.

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Okay, friend, as we close out, I pray that you are inspired to make any decisions you’ve been putting off today.

I pray that you get more and more clarity for your life as you continue to make decisions and evaluate your results.

And as always, I pray that you continue to take steps to regain control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve.

Talk to you later.