278 | How Ashley and Tim Paid Off $8k and Saved $10k Without Giving Up Vacation

My clients Ashley and Tim make good money, but they could never seem to get ahead with their finances.

They had no plan for their money and felt stressed and overwhelmed. All that changed when they reached out to me.

In this episode, Ashley, Tim, and I chat about our work together, including how they’ve been able to pay off almost $8,000 of debt and save $10,000 while still going on vacation and seeing Beyoncé in concert.

• • Ashley and Tim’s money journey before coaching
  • what it feels like to make good money but not have money
  • overcoming the payday cycle with the checking account buffer
  • the exact results Ashley and Tim have accomplished
  • achieving financial goals without feeling deprived
  • Tim’s explanation of how it feels to cash flow a vacation vs. putting it on a credit card
  • how they used their values to guide their spending decisions
  • how getting on the same page with their finances brought them closer together
  • overcoming the growing pains of implementing a new financial system
  • why they no longer feel the need to look for higher-paying, less-fulfilling jobs
  • planning their fun spending, such as their vacation to Mexico and Ashley’s birthday
  • the “hard” of change vs. the “hard” of financial stress
  • balancing spending with achieving financial goals
  • Ashley and Tim’s encouragement for anyone who is struggling with their finances

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You’re listening to Personal Finance for Lawyers. I’m Rho Thomas, and as a busy wife, mom, and former Biglaw associate, I know all too well the tension between the culture of the legal profession and pretty much everything else you want to do in life. That’s why each week, I’m bringing you the information and tools you need to improve your money mindset and manage your money to create true wealth. Because ultimately, it’s not about the money. It’s about the freedom and flexibility the money affords.

Hey friend! Welcome back.

Today, I am bringing you a conversation with my clients, Ashley and Tim. When we first started working together, they were feeling pretty stuck with their finances. They make good money, but they’re not making big law money, and they felt like there really wasn’t anything they could do to get ahead.

They have been able to make considerable progress, but the key in it was that they didn’t feel deprived as they did it, which is really important to me when I’m working with my clients. I don’t think it’s sustainable if you are sacrificing everything in the name of making your finances better.

Another thing that I love about their story is they talk about how getting on top of their finances has brought them closer together as a couple, and that has been a common theme with other couples that I’ve worked with, as well. So I think you are going to love their story.

I can’t wait for you to hear it, but I’ve got to warn you that we had some technical difficulties in recording this. So if you hear sound quality changes, if you hear a word cut out here or there, that’s what’s going on, but you still will be able to understand what’s happening with their story. It’s not going to affect your experience of their story in any way. So with that, please enjoy my conversation with Ashley and Tim.

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[Rho] Welcome to the podcast Ashley and Tim. How are you?

[Ashley] Hey!

[Tim] Hey, how you doing?

[Rho] Doing well, doing well.

So for everyone listening, Ashley and Tim are my clients. Ashley is in education, Tim is in transportation and we had the privilege of [working] together for the last six months. And so now we’re going to talk a little bit about their money journey and where they are and what they’ve been able to accomplish.

Before we get into that though, tell us a little bit about your money story before we started working together.

[Tim] I guess I would say. It was like, unorganized. There wasn’t really a plan or whatever it was just vibes. So just, you know, just vibes, hey.

[Ashley] Yeah, I agree with that. I think we just…we weren’t broke, but we also didn’t have money to save because we’re just spending it on, like, whatever we…kind of whatever we wanted. Like, if we wanted to go on a trip, we were gonna go on a trip. We wanted to go out to eat, we were gonna go out to eat and it wasn’t like McDonald’s always. It was like, you know, we like to eat good, so… we like to travel well.

You know, but that…it was never really in any sort of alignment with like any like larger or greater goals that we had.

[Tim] Yeah, we were just saying we wanted to save money, but that was the furthest we kind of took it.

[Ashley] Yeah. Yeah, it was very haphazard. Like, oh, let’s just throw, you know, $200 in savings because, you know, we got to save a little something.

[Tim] That’s saving money.

[Ashley] Yeah, yeah.

[Rho] But you know, I think a lot of people can relate to that. You know, where there isn’t really a plan. We’re just kind of going with the flow, seeing what happened.

Money came in we can spend now. Oh, we’re at the end of the pay period, we can’t spend anymore. We’re gonna have to sit down, you know.

[Ashley] Yeah, exactly. Like payday was our favorite day, and then the end of the month was like…LOL

[Rho] So I know that when we first started, you were feeling kind of stressed. That was something that you talked about, feeling stressed, feeling a little bit overwhelmed with your finances, in part because you guys didn’t have a plan. You want to talk a little about that?

[Ashley] Yeah, it was. I mean, it was just a lot, you know, my job is, is stressful. I’m working on getting my license, so I have two jobs. And so it, it just, I don’t know.

It’s just like a constant, I guess, like cloud over my head of like, I know that I want to pay off debt. I know that I want to, like travel. I know that I want to have like money to do, you know, other things. And it feels like, okay, we make plenty of money, like we should not…it should not be stressful, you know, and yet it is…or it was.

[Tim] Yeah, I kind of 2nd that. It’s like especially like being a homeowner, any day something could like mess up and you just have that anxiety like, okay, is the AC blowing cool because if not that’s a couple thousand that we don’t have right now. You know.

Just anything like that, so… just being able to just…get over having that anxiety. Like you know something comes up like, hey, we got it now. It’s not like it’s not gonna end us.

[Ashley] Yeah, because oh man it did.

…Like I remember my tire? Like how it had like the random like hole in it.

[Tim] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She had a random hole in her tire.

[Ashley] And now I gotta go buy a set of two because, you know, apparently it’s not good to buy just one tire at a time.

It’s stressful because it’s like you have to pay for it and so then the easiest next step is like… like I said, we make, you know, decent money – I mean we’re not balling out of control or nothing – but, I don’t know it’s just like I feel like I shouldn’t have to be stressed about buying new tires.

[Rho] And something that you said, I think sums it up so perfectly. You said we make good money, but we didn’t really have it. I don’t know if I… if I said it exactly how you said it, but I think that is a common experience that I hear where people are like I make good money but I don’t know where it is. Like I don’t see it. Where has it gone? You know?

[Ashley] Girl! Every month I’m like, we make too much money to have nothing! Like how are we down to like $300 and we still got bills to come out, you know? And it’s like, well dang, okay, we just need to thug it out. You know?

Like we need to just not do anything for a week or so until we get paid again.

[Tim] mmhmm. Back in the same cycle.

[Ashley] In the same cycle.

[Rho] I think so many people have been in that exact same situation. Exactly what you’re saying and it does tend to be cyclical like that where it’s like, whoo, it’s payday. Let’s make it rain. I’m doing this. I’m going here. And then you get towards the end of that pay period and it’s like, oh, that account is not looking…not looking how it was looking a minute ago.

And that is a big part of why I am such a big advocate of the checking account buffer.

So, can you guys talk about that feeling of having that buffer in your account where you know your account is not going to get down past a certain amount?

[Tim] It feels like you got paid every day, no matter what like… We talked about it before I was a serial account checker. Every day I’m looking at it. I’m calculating, okay this gonna come out this day. This gonna come out this day.

But now I know it’s always this buffer in there that as long as we don’t touch that buffer – we’re good. Like everything is paid for, we got, you know, we’re fine.

It’s like a safety vest almost. It just makes you feel comfortable, like…

[Ashley] Yeah, 100%.

I think we’ve done a pretty good job of like sticking to the budget for the most part, but there are some months where like I really want to go to TJ Maxx. I want to got to Marshalls or like the dogs get sick or we just end up overspending.

Like…what was it? The water! The water bill had gotten kind of crazy and I was like, why is the water bill like 4 times what it usually is, you know?

And it’s like instead of panicking because you’re like, oh, God, like, you know, we’re going to get to zero, it’s like zero is not zero anymore which is really nice because then it’s like I know that I’m getting close to my zero – for lack of a better phrase. But it’s not a true zero, so it kind of like you’ve got like a like a net.

[Tim] Yeah. Like a. Yeah, like a safety net, I mean.

[Ashley] Before you even have to touch like savings or a credit card or anything.

[Tim] Yeah, yeah.

[Rho] Yes, that is exactly it, right? Like you got this money that’s there and it really is that first line of defense for you where you don’t have to worry about dipping into your savings. You don’t have to worry about having to put it on a credit card. It’s like, okay, I’ve got this thing that came up. You know, the buffer is there. Maybe I get a little bit below the thousand, right. But I’m not getting to negative $200 or something like that. I’m not getting down into 3 digits or something like that.

[Ashley] Like, I know that I’m paying myself back. I’m not having to like put it on a credit card and then figure out, okay, how you gonna pay us before the interest hit or are we going just ignore the fact the interest going hit. And just, you know, deal with it so I can have the thing that I either needed or wanted.

It’s like, okay, I’ve got, I’ve got that and now I have to figure out how I’m gonna pay myself back. And that’s a much easier decision then like someone external or some, you know, something else.

[Rho] I love that.

So, talk to us a little bit about what you all have been able to accomplish in the last six months because you guys have been able to achieve quite a bit. I’m very proud of you and all the work that you’ve done, but tell us about it.

[Ashley] I mean, I think like we’ve paid off what, 2 cards or two like credit things, including one that we didn’t know about, *clears throat*- Tim.

Uhm. I can’t remember the number. Hold on, let me pull it up because you know, Rho got me using all these spreadsheets and whatnot.

Yeah, we’ve paid off 8, well, $7900 in debt. It has been really nice and we’ve saved, according to Rho, we’ve saved more. We’ve saved about over $10,000 in savings, but we also went to Mexico. And I went on a cruise for a bachelorette party and we went to see Beyoncé and Kendrick Lamar. Like Rho would say, we’ve been outside.

[Rho] You have been.

[Tim] Yeah, but we still have saved money through all of that. We made some changes but we didn’t like, just like sacrifice our lifestyle completely.

[Ashley] Yeah, yeah, not at all. I don’t feel like I’m, like, deprived the way that. I thought I was going to feel.

And even with like spending all of that like we cash flowed all of it. There’s nothing on the credit card we got to pay off. Like there’s nothing like, not even like a 0 balance like card. You know, and we still, I think our goal when we started was to save $3500 in savings and we exceeded that goal in addition to all these other trips and things like that.

[Rho] Yeah. And so part of what they’re talking about is like that $10,000 is collective. It’s money that they saved that is in their savings account, but then it’s also money that they saved for future spending, like the trips that they went on, the concerts that they went to and that kind of thing.

So collectively they were able to save $10,000, but their savings that they retained in their savings account is a little bit less than that.

But talk more about that where you were saying, you know, you did have some adjustments. You did have a little sacrifice, but you were still able to live your lives in the process. And how that differed from what you expected coming into this?

[Tim] I think I think we said before you hear the word budget, it’s like it’s a bad thing. But I feel like I haven’t missed that or anything I really want to do or anything.

And I think you just made us be more intentional about looking at how we spend our money. You say, hey, you really want to go to Mexico? We planned it all out to the, you know, every detail.

And that was a great trip, you know, usually you go on the trip, you put it on the credit card, you know. Then, you come back from relaxing, now you’re stressed trying to figure out, okay, how do we pay for this? And I forgot I was like, oh yeah, everything’s paid for. Like, we’re just kind of here, not for free, but it felt like that.

Enjoyed the trip…it’s not saying like, okay, let me see how we’re gonna get Capitol One…

[Ashley] …these payments.

[Tim] Yeah, these payments. You know, it was just like, oh, yeah, got back home and that was it!

We had a trip budget. Like, okay, we’re going to spend this much there like, cash or whatever but…and we still came back with some of that.

[Ashley] Yep! Even in pesos. I think, two, I think early on when we talked about the things that we valued, right, like that was probably the most impactful thing for me.

I think the thing that helped me to be able to make, I guess, smarter, more intentional decisions with, with how we spent what we spent it on because I’m thinking about, okay, what do I actually care about?

Like, because there’s lots of things I want. Like, I would love to do lots and lots of things. Like, if you if you could wave a magic wand and just get me, you know, the ability to buy whatever I wanted at whatever point – that would be fantastic. Right? But reality….

[Rho] I’ll work on it. I’ll work on it.

[Ashley] But reality I know is that like, that’s not reality.

And so I think thinking about like, what do I legitimately care about and making sure that those things had space within our budget.

So like, like I said earlier, like me, I’m working, you know, full time and then something on the side too, and so, I want a cleaning lady. My cleaning lady’s been with me since 2019. She’s not going nowhere.

And, you know, we’ve previously tried to have a budget because we’re just going to not have her come anymore because that’s a luxury. Well it’s not. It’s something that I care a lot about and that we value collectively. And it’s like, okay, we want that in the budget and so what are the things that we actually don’t care as much about that are, that we’re spending on right now that we can like not spend on.

[Tim] Like, why do we need Amazon Prime?

[Ashley] Right. Like we we got rid of Amazon Prime because we were like, we don’t need that, you know?

[Rho] See, I did not get rid of Amazon Prime. I like being able to order and it shows up at my doorstep in a day or two, but to your point, Ashley, right, we did that exercise of what you guys value and that was, I remember you were like I have got to have my cleaning lady. Like that is a non-negotiable for me.

But something that, you know, you talking about that exercise, that kind of came up for me was I remember when I had you both do that. And a lot of your values were the same or similar, and you hadn’t really talked about that before.

So can you talk a little bit more about that, like you guys getting on the same page with your finances and realizing what was important to you collectively as a couple?

[Ashley] Yeah. So I mean, honestly, when this started, it was like me and Tim, we lived together but I think in some ways some ways like we just were kind of like, okay, as long as the bills are paid and the lights are on and we’re not hungry, like, do what you want, you know?

So it’s like if he got extra money, like that was his money. And like, if I went out and got a job and got extra money then that with my money. And so I think what ended up happening is like neither of us really knew what we were spending on collectively.

And so I think sitting down and really thinking about, and I mean, even when I came to you initially like it was like, okay, I’m gonna meet with Rho every week. I don’t know about you, Tim, but I’m, I gotta get this together. So I finally pulled him into it, like. Okay, well Rho says we gotta figure out our values. Like, what do you want? Like, what do you care about?

And so I think even though we did, like, we kind of sat separately and did it and then came together. I think starting out that way and like being really thoughtful about, about what we cared a lot about and then coming together like oh, like, we do have a lot of similarities here.

I think it’s been good for us because I think we kind of have been better partners in, in this aspect like I think we like, I just got a great relationship, but I think just kind of were independent in this area.

[Tim] It’s like we wanted the same thing but we were going about it 2 different ways.

[Ashley] Yeahhh

[Tim] And we just sat there and was like we both should just do this together.

[Ashley] Yeahhh

[Tim] It’s easier. It’s like having a accountability partner.

[Ashley] Yeah

[Tim] Like even when we go over the budget now, she like, hey, what you spend $3 on that day.

[Ashley] Yeah, I think in the past that would have come from like a very accusatory place like we didn’t need that. Why are you always in Dollar General? Or why you always you know at Target?

And I’m like, I like Target. And he’s like well I like Dollar General. You know?

But I think, now, it’s more of like a here’s how much we plan to spend on these things and like I need to know where to categorize this thing, to know where that money is going to come from so that we’re just being thoughtful about how we’re spending. And so I think I don’t know, it’s like a..it’s been a really nice partnership.

[Tim] Yeah, it really has.

[Rho] The way that you just talked about, it’s almost like that, that give and take that it sounds like you guys had in these other areas of your relationship because you said you had a good relationship already, but you weren’t doing the money piece together. Tell us about what it has been like now being on the same page.

[Ashley] I’m not looking at him sideways anymore. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s like, but I feel like it would almost be like…mad if I saw that he had spent money on something and it wasn’t anything crazy, but I’m just like, “Why are we spending? We shouldn’t be doing this” because I’m in my mind, I’m Miss we need to be saving and paying off debt. And I’m like, but he’s still spending.

But, then he’s watching me still spend, but I’m like in my head, justifying it. “Well, I needed this at Target and like I was already in there. Or like I needed to order this thing or like I need this new skin care,” you know, as opposed to like.

[Tim] Hey, let’s make a budget for skin care. Or if you really love this stuff, like, just make a budget for a weekend out.

[Ashley] Yeah.

[Tim] You still get what you want you know we just have a line item for it now, so…

[Ashley] Yeah, I think we have more conversations about it. I think because we’re partnering together, but I also feel like we’ve been able to go further, I guess, faster because we’re like on the same page.

So it’s like when we’re bringing in extra income, like if he gets, you know, a bonus at work or I bring extra income from the second position, it’s like, okay, well, how are we going to spend this?

And even like, you know, it’s not that we don’t ever have fun with it, because obviously we did. You know, but it’s like we’ve kind of come together on, okay, we’re going to spend this for debt or we’re going to save it or we’re going to spend it this month because it’s your birthday or my birthday or, you know whatever. Or we got to go, I don’t know, here for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. You know what have you. What do you think?

[Tim] You know, I think it’s to me it makes it fun because like, you know, a lot of times talking about money’s not fun, but this makes it fun.

It’s like, okay, you know, every Sunday we come together like, hey, you know, we we know we’re under this on this amount or we might have went a little over on here, but it just, just makes it, you know, more, just enticing to talk about. I don’t, like, we don’t run away from money conversations.

[Ashley] Yeah, that’s true.

[Tim] Now, just like it’s just a part of our week. Like hey…

[Ashley] Yeah, like it’s not annoying anymore.

[Tim] Yeah, it’s not. Yeah, it’s not annoying.

[Rho] I love to hear you describe it as fun. I’m like, yes, it is fun, I agree.

[Tim] At first it’s scary like, you know, you lay it out on paper, it’s like, oh oh. But once you start implementing the processes and like long as you do the work…

Because, I mean, when she like, she does the spreadsheet… That first couple…that month or two…she was like I can’t do this. This thing…

[Ashley] UGHH

[Tim] Every Sunday she would get so just… annoyed and now she’s just casually doing it. We’re just watching TV, and she’s like “Hey, can we talk about this? OK. We got this budgeted, we got, we have such and such coming up. Okay. We should save for that.” And it’s just, it’s just normal now.

Like I just said like the first month or two, it’s like growing pains. It’s not like an overnight thing, but it’s built that discipline in us.

[Ashley] Yeah. Yeah.

[Rho] And I think that’s exactly it, right, the growing pains because you were used to, as you said, managing your money without really having a plan. You were just spending. You were just okay, we got paid. We can spend this. We can do this.

And coming into this, it’s like, okay, let’s create a system. Let’s create a plan for how we’re going to do it. Let’s, like, set out how you’re going to use your money for this month and you’re not used to that. So then of course, when you’re transitioning into something new, it feels harder at first.

[Ashley] It was. Me and that spreadsheet about had it out several times.

Me and Rho was about to square up one day…mostly on my side.

But, I mean, you know, I think it is. It’s hard at first because you’re so like… I was so used to kind of just spending and being in the dark.

And, you know again, like I said before, it’s just, I’m just spending because I know I have to. I have to buy the things I need, but then I want to buy the things I want and I have the money to do it.

You know, as opposed to like, really thinking about what am, what am I trying to accomplish and how am I going to get there? And it did, it did eventually become fun, like and I think it was nice to like be able to connect with him about it because I felt for so long I was the only one stressed about it because I never really connected with him about it.

Like, I would feel like angry with him sometimes because I’m just like, you…like…why are you not stressed about this, you know?

But he’s like, well, because we, you know, we have the money and I’m like “we do, but we don’t!”

You know, like we do but like don’t you want to pay this debt off? Don’t you want to like have more in savings?

And I think as opposed to approaching it from that way, the fact that we got on the same page about it, and we’re like actively working toward like, you know, our goals together.

[Rho] Yeah.

And, you know, money tends to be one of the biggest sources of stress for Americans.

There were, you know, studies and things that show that money is the biggest stressor for Americans and then it also is one of the biggest causes of division or tension within couples. And so, you know, seeing that you guys were not on the same page.

You know, Ashley, you felt like you were the only one that cared. You were the only one that’s stressed. He’s just kind of like, oh, yeah. It’s fine.

And now you’re on the same page and you’re able to work toward things together. It’s like, okay, you already felt like you were, you know, a united front, in almost every other aspect it sounds like, right. And so now this almost makes it complete for you.

[Ashley] Yeah, it does feel that way. Yeah, 100%.

To hear you talk about how it’s like a significant source of stress like I think it was a strain on our marriage, but it was also kind of a strain on, like, my beliefs about my career because I’m looking at this and I’m like…well, am I doing the right thing?

Like… Should I? Should I go get a job that’s going to pay me a lot more money even if it means that I’m not as, like, fulfilled or if I’m not as happy with it?

But I think to be able to experience what it means to have… you know, my current salary really hasn’t changed a significant amount. Like I haven’t gone and gotten another job. I’m kind of doing the same thing I was doing so, the the money coming in is about the same, you know, but I don’t feel like I fit this like broke and struggling, you know, educator stereotype.

You know, I’m like, I feel like, okay, I can do the thing that I love and make the amount of money that I make while also like you know, hitting these goals and like doing the other things outside of like my job that bring me joy.

[Tim] Yeah. I think I was the same way. I would just like I said, I make a decent salary and I like my job and I would just apply for random jobs. And she like, do you want to do that?

And I was like well, look how much they pay. Like, we just need more money. That was always my thing. We don’t have the budget, but we just need more money. More money doesn’t beat bad spending habits. You just gonna spend more money. That’s it.

[Rho] Exactly. And I think that’s a common thought. Like that…that whole train of thought, Tim, like oh, we, you know, we’re getting down to $300. We need to bring in more money. Well, if I go get this job, look how much they pay.

But it’s not addressing that root cause like you said of the spending habits. Like how you’re handling the money at this level, you’re probably going to handle the money the same way at that next level with that job that pays more. And so the fact that you recognize that I think is great. Like, yes, that’s it.

Something that I know you guys are about to celebrate Ashley’s birthday and something I would love for you guys to touch on because Ashley, I love the way that you talk about the more intentional spending.

Touch on how you are planning for your birthday or how you were able to plan for the trips or the bachelorette party, the wedding – these different things that you’re doing. How you think about the other categories of things that you could spend on versus these things that you want to spend on for special occasions.

[Ashley] Yeah, my birthday is a big deal.

Now what I wanted to do for my birthday and what I’m actually gonna be doing are two different things right.

Like in the past, I’m like I want to go to San Francisco for four days. I want to go to the beach. You know, and I’m like I could do that, but you know it, it just was going to be a stressor.

So I’m still going to live my life. I’m going to go eat a most delicious, most expensive dinner. I really appreciate, actually, you sitting with me and we’re like, okay, we’re going to look at the menu and we’re going to like decide okay what is it that you’re likely to get. Right.

So like we looked at together like, okay, here’s what I can see. Here’s roughly how much like these entrees cost. Here’s much appetizers costs. Here’s how much drink cost. You got to account for like the tip and the tax and all of that. And then I’m like, okay, look it’ll be about this much and then, you know, adding in a little bit of a buffer.

So like now, it’s a line item in our budget. Ashley’s birthday is on there. And there’s money accounted for.

And so when we sat down and kind of made our plan for this month, we really thought about, okay, where can we make this fit? So that this thing that we that’s important to us, collectively, not just me – right Tim?

[Tim] Yes

[Ashley] Exactly, us collectively, is already set out for it.

And then as we’re planning trips, we went to Mexico in July and we started planning for it in like February, maybe. But then we looked at, okay, how much is the flight going to cost?

And it was like, kind of fun, actually, to kind of like, look at and explore all these different hotels and then think about, okay, how much what we need to save per month to get to that point and put it as a line item in our budget.

Recognizing, though, that that also meant that like okay we said we want to you know pay off this pay off debt, but now we need to either not save as much or not put as much towards paying off debt.

And like I think it was just it was completely up to us.

Do we need to drop our grocery budget and, like you know, do things that way cause we could have. I think at one point we dropped our dining out budget. We dropped that down from what we had before because we’re like, okay, well, we don’t need to eat out as much if we know we want to go and live our best lives at, like, a really nice resort. Or like, live our best live for like our birthdays. You know, whatever.

And then I think thinking about how the extra income that we had coming in about how we’re spending that money. You know, like do we need to allot that over here? Do we need to allot that to savings?

But I think it’s just like being thoughtful and kind of flexible, I guess, because it’s our money. Like, we get to decide like what it goes to and what it gets spent on.

Including those like fun things in our budget was like really nice too, because like, I have a needs section, but I also have a wants section. And then those things like, once they were paid off and done, then that money can go back to some of those bigger goals that we have.

[Tim] Yeah.

[Rho] Yes.

[Tim] I think it’s just being like strategic and what we did and how we moved the money around. It’s like we’re like a corporation now. That’s what it feels like.

[Ashley] Yeahhh.

[Tim] It’s like, okay, this is our budget for the year. And we still get to like, say, we still have fun. We still do, you know, a lot, a lot of a lot of things, but we also save a lot now.

[Ashley] Yeah. And you know what? I don’t know that I would have, like, even talking about it… Like, if January me, we’re listening to this. I feel like that’s a lot. It’s a lot of work. It’s too much, you know.

And I think, you know, I recognize too that they’re probably people who, like, don’t have a partner in this, right, like they’re they’re doing it by myself, which is how I thought I was gonna be doing it at first, you know, realistically.

And I really am kind of like the spreadsheet queen over here, so like I’m the queen of the budget. Like I, you know, it’s a lot of us is asking him questions and partnering on like, okay, how are we going to spend our collective money as opposed to working in like, like the silo?

But I think as overwhelming as it sounded early on, on the back end, I think that that was my anxiety telling me that it was going to be a lot more stressful because what I feel it’s gonna take me an hour takes me like 20 minutes every week, you know.

Or takes me like max 30 at the beginning of the month when I’m having to look back at the previous month and kind of see what I need to adjust and then talk to him about.

I guess I feel like the 30 minutes to an hour that I’m going to spend doing this and like being thoughtful about it is well worth the weeks and days of anxiety that I would feel about the bills are still coming and I feel like I don’t have any money. Like the bills are still coming and payday is like a week away and I don’t know how I’m going to get there.

And the anxiety I feel, or the shame that I feel about even having debt and like not feel like I have a plan or know what to do about it. I guess I would rather let my energy be spent, kind of like preparing for the things I want, than to be feeling shame and anxiety and, sadness and hopelessness about my financial situation.

[Rho] Yeah, I love that you kind of juxtapose those, right? It’s like in the beginning, it felt like it was going to be a lot. It felt like it was going to be this huge shift and maybe it was right because we talked about how you didn’t have a plan. You weren’t being intentional before and now you are setting aside that 20 minutes and taking that time and talking to Tim and you all are creating a plan.

But it’s like do I want to spend, you know, 20 minutes a week and you said 20 minutes is the max, right? So call it…because I know for some clients it’s like 10. So 10-20 minutes a week looking at my finances and being intentional or every day feeling stressed and anxious and worried about how I’m going to make it to payday and all of that.

Like, it’s really a matter of which kind of hard do I choose, right? Do I wanna do that “hard work” of looking at stuff and being intentional? Or do I want to have that hard experience of feeling stressed and anxious and all that?

[Ashley] Yeah. And I guess I feel like the hard experience is just longer lasting, you know.

Like it…the 20 minutes I’m in the spreadsheet, I would not call us friends, okay? I still am not…it’s a means to an end, you know. But it’s like the 20 or so minutes that’s going to take me to be a little bit annoyed and like a little bit stressed is far better than like the way I was feeling before where, it’s just like every time I spent something, every time I looked at like the bank account, it was just like this, like hit…

[Tim] Yeah, just.

[Ashley] Like a pit in my stomach like…

[Rho] Yeah. And something, too, when you were talking about how you’ve been able to fit in these fun things that I really liked that you said. You were like, we dropped down our dining out or we dropped down this category. So it’s not, you just can’t go out to eat. You just can’t, you know, do this fun thing. You guys were able to do a lot of fun things.

You talked about, you know, concerts. You talked about the trip to Mexico, the you know, supporting your friend for the bachelorette for the wedding. Like you were able to do these things and maybe, you know, in planning up or like leading up to those things, I’m going to choose to spend less going out to eat. You didn’t cut it out all together, but maybe you didn’t go as often as you usually do.

[Ashley] Yeah, I mean, I’m telling you, I’m telling you Rho. I was never going to eat rice and beans. I was never going to sit in this house and eat pasta with cheap sauce like I’m not. I’m just not doing that. Like, that’s not how I’m living my life.

I’m not going to like, not get the kind of gas I want. I’m not gonna not… I’m just – there’s a lot of things I’m not going to do. Like I’m going to use Tide. So, there are certain things…you know. And so it just was like thinking about how do I get those things and like, what actually matters to me and where can I adjust and shift.

So like, if I want Starbucks every day, but I know that then maybe more of that should come out of my fun money, you know. Or maybe I should just have one Starbucks drink, you know, but for that length of time so that I could do the thing I wanted to do.

And then it’s like, okay, now that it’s back, I can figure out, okay where in my budget can I shift things around to be able to do the things that I want, but also like the things I need.

[Tim] Yeah. I think when you were just talking about rice and beans, that’s how our savings mindset differ. My savings mindset is hey, we’re cutting everything out. We don’t need nothing. We eating spaghetti and noodles and sauce every day. We not even going to spend. We just saving.

So that’s why I think she helped us find, like, hey, you know, you can still save and not live just like this crazy lifestyle of no fun and, you know, just eating, like, just rice and beans.

[Ashley] I’m not ever doing that. I’ll eat rice and beans as a side. With a really good piece of chicken.

[Tim] Yeah, but that. Like I said, we were trying to do the same thing, but doing it two different ways. Like with her, it kind of brought us together, like, okay, y’all both of them the same thing and so we could just cut, you can still cut back on certain things but you don’t have to give everything up. So like it was like a good, happy match. It was like a good…like we mesh together, OK.

[Ashley] Yeah.

[Rho] Yeah, and it always comes back to the intention, right, because that slash everything, stare at the wall, don’t go on trips, don’t go out to eat, until you save – that’s not my style. I would have hated that. Right.

And so I don’t tell anybody else to do that, but… And I know Ashley, you didn’t like this either. It comes back to you and what you and what you want to do because you were like, what should I do? And I’m like, what do you want to do? And I know you hated it. But you know, you guys get to make those decisions.

[Ashley] I sure did.

[Rho] You get to make those decisions, you know.

[Ashley] Personal finance is personal.

[Rho] OK, with the voice. All right now.

No, but you know, I think, and this is something we’ve talked about before too, if I were dictating to you, you have to cut this. You can’t do that. You have to do this now. You know? That doesn’t feel good either and then it does feel like restriction.

It does feel like we talked about how, you know, people think of a budget as like a diet. It feels that way. Then if somebody’s telling you what you can and can’t do. Versus you all deciding what you want to do and Ashley, I love the the reframe and how you’ve talked about affording things versus wanting to spend your money on things. You know, it’s not that you can’t afford it. You guys can afford anything that you want. You could not pay your mortgage, not pay your bills, take all that money and go, you know, spend on whatever. You don’t want to do that, right.

And so now you’re thinking more intentionally about what do I want. Do I want to spend my money on this or what I prefer to use that money for this trip to Mexico, for building my savings, for saving, you know, whatever paying off debt, etcetera. Like you are being more intentional with how you choose to use your money versus it feeling like I can or can’t do stuff.

[Ashley] Yeah, and that’s just been like very empowering too, because it doesn’t feel like my bank account has control of me, like my bank account dictates what I do. It’s more like we dictate what happens within our bank account, you know?

And so it’s like people might invite me to go do stuff that maybe I do want to do, but I don’t want to spend the money on that, and it’s and you know, in the past I would have been like oh, you know, I can’t afford that girl.

It’s like, no, I can afford it. Like money is not a problem over here…anymore. But, I like I you know…My friends know I only get this much fun money all in the month, so… You know?

And it’s I think it’s opened me up to conversations because they understand, or they’re starting to, that I am not going to spend my money on everything just because somebody said that like they wanted me to or that I should.

And like I still have friends, I still go out. I still brunch. I still go out for drinks and happy hours and whatnot, but it’s just I think being more thoughtful about, like, how I’m spending my time. Like everything in my, I guess, the decisions I make feel more value aligned.

[Tim] Yeah. Yeah, same way. Like, you know, I like. I like shoes. So like, if I just seen the shoes, like, oh, getting it!

Now it’s like, when I buy a pair, it’s like, I know, I really wanted that pair of shoes. Like, I’m going to take care of these. It’s not just going to be in the back of the closet cause I just bought them on a random Saturday because they were new and, you know, so the things that we do do, it’s like we just enjoy them more.

[Ashley] Yeah.

[Tim] So yeah, so we just enjoy them more now.

[Rho] I love that. So now I want you guys to speak to that person, that couple who is where you were back six months ago, who, you know, maybe is feeling stressed about their money, feeling overwhelmed. They don’t have a plan. Can you give them some words of encouragement or you know what you have kind of learned over this time period that you want to impart to them?

[Tim] Hire Rho. Like, get a plan and stick with it.

I think that was one thing, like you showed us, like, hey, if you stay on this same plan in like 3 years, all this would be gone. And it’s like it’s like a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s like, wait, it’s three years. I could be this. And I like, I just want to see that like.

Get a plan. Stick with it. And like you know, talk to whoever your partner, whoever you’re doing this with or just somebody.

[Ashley] I think. I guess I can empathize with, like the feeling of of hopelessness for sure. Like, I felt that all the time.

But I also feel like there is… there was so much more in my power than like I realized early on. And so I think. You know, I would encourage anyone to, like, think about what is like, what is truly important to you, like whether it’s your goals, whether it’s certain things that you want to do, whether it’s like maintaining some certain aspects of your lifestyle.

I think you’ll quickly realize that, like everything is not a top priority. And so I think when you like, can intentionally think about what, what actually matters, what do you really want to spend your money on and kind of just start there of saying, okay, I’m going to create space for these, these things.

And if you have a goal to get out of debt or to save money or to invest more, whatever your goal is. Like use those values to kind of figure out what direction you’re going to go in and then, I think you’ll start to feel, at least I did. I start to feel more like in control of things because I wasn’t just like, spending willy nilly just because I could, you know.

Now I’m like I’m spending on the things that matter most to me. I’m spending the amounts of money on those things that I that I, that align with, like the bigger goals that I have. And so I think that like with time like, it ain’t easy. Like I won’t say that, like the first couple months I said I was about to square up with Rho.

It’s never gonna be easy changing, like kind of old ways of that, the pattern that you fallen into and old ways of being. But I think it does get easier and the work load becomes a lot lighter when it just kind of becomes a part of like your your routine and kind of how you function. It’s doable. It ain’t easy initially, but it’s doable.

[Rho] Yeah, I love that.

Ashley, Tim, thank you both so much for sharing your story, for being vulnerable and being willing to share the, you know, the things that you all have come through and how you come out the other side and what you’re doing, now. I know that it’s going to be so valuable for the listeners, and I’m so proud of you. And I appreciate you.

[Ashley] Same!

[Tim] Alright, thank you!

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All right, I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Ashley and Tim.

I hope you found it inspiring, and that it gives you some encouragement that even if you’re not where you want to be with your finances, there is hope you can still get there.

And if you would like help doing it, please reach out to me. You can schedule a call at rhothomas.com/call.

Alright, so that is it for this week’s episode. Please take a second, share this episode with a friend or two. That is how we get this information in the hands of more lawyers.

I actually heard someone say that sharing is the currency of the internet. So this podcast is free. The way that you can pay me is to share this podcast episode with someone else you think would feel inspired by it, and as always, I appreciate your support.

As we close out, friend, I pray that you take the information you learn here, apply it in your life and open up to the realization that wealth is available to you. As you do that consistently, week after week, you’ll continue to take steps to take back control of your time, build wealth, and live the life of freedom and choice you deserve. Talk to you later.